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[21 Mar 2006|04:25pm] |
Okay, I've been thinking about this more a while now, kind of writing it in my head for a few weeks now, and writing and rewriting it on here for a good hour. Nothing's coming out smoothly, so this will probably be more stream of consciousness than actual structure.
I'm sorry about the way things ended between us. You deserved better than to have me just dump you like that. My life was going quite badly at that point no that's got nothing to do with it. I screwed up. My mom found a couple of pictures, and it... wasn't pretty. I really didn't have a choice as to whether or not you were going to still be a part of my life. I shouldn't have ended it the way I did though. I was embarrassed and angry and mad at my mother for not letting me do what I wanted, which was to be friends with you and she didn't like our "more than just friends" relationship and she "could totally tell that that girl was into me and I was playing with her affections" and... gah. I'm sorry.
I treated you like shit, I lashed out at Carol and I was just an overall asshole.
It wasn't right of me to let our relationship become what it did when I knew I couldn't maintain it. It wasn't just my parents. I knew that things were getting more serious before you came down to visit, and I saw how you were when I talked about other girls. It was stupid of me to lead you along like that, even though that's what we had somewhat agreed upon. If I'm completely wrong here, then fine. But I've regretted that consideerably.
I'm doing better now, back in college full time and making good grades. I've been seeing a girl from one of my classes for a little over a month now. I'm not telling you this to rub your face in it, I'm not really sure why I'm telling you. It wasn't easy after I dumped you. I thought about you a lot, saw things and wanted to tell you about them, lost really the only person I talked with.
I see you every know and then online and wonder how you are, if you still hate me. I know sure I deserve it. I heard The Gift on the radio a few days ago and so many memories hit me over the head. They did a crappy remix of it too, so that kinda helped I guess.
I think I've probably rambled on enough now, I don't know if I've gotten anywhere. I don't expect this to change anything, and to be honest I don't really want it to. I don't know what to expect from you. If you don't reply to this, I'll live. If you tell me to fuck off, I'll understand. If there's anything you want to say, something I can explain, ask.
I just ... I thought you should know that I'm sorry. I was an asshole, and you deserve better. You really do.
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| Had to share. |
[15 Sep 2005|04:07pm] |
I saw these signs the other day (sadly before I got my digital camera) and thought you guys would get a kick out of them.
This one was on a school, the same one that I tagged a while back.
WE CARE FOR
HURRICANE KATRINA
VICTIMS COLLECTION
CENTER HERE
I think the line breaks there say it all... they're obviously worried about hurting the hurricane's feelings, so they're collecting the victims here.
Can't remember where I saw this one.
BRING US FOOD
AND WATER
WE WILL GIVE 2
KATRINA VICTIMS
Now it's a hostage situation!
Yeah, people are dumb. Well meaning maybe, but dumb.
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[30 Aug 2005|02:19pm] |
I should probably update, shouldn't I?
It's not like anything exciting has happened though.
Work's the same, despite school starting yesterday. Rather than have my hours cut back which I was expecting, Pete just shuffled me & Rob around so I have pretty much the same number of hours as before. I guess I shouldn't complain, but I was kinda looking forward to going down to 4 days a week.
School started yesterday, as I said. I'm looking forward to my aikido class tonight, and kinda glad my earring went ahead and came out already. Can't imagine a martial arts class would be fun with a fresh hole in the head.
I'm not going to talk about my (total lack of a) love life here, because it's depressing. All I'm going to say is Joe needs to have another party.
And since Veronica wanted me to talk about work (link), I'm gonna talk about work.
( Corporate is more than evil, they're stupid )
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[26 Jun 2005|01:12pm] |
You know how they set things on fire to serve as warnings? The Black Rock on "Lost", the KKK's crosses, lighthouses, etc.
Hopefully other rapists and those considering it saw this bonfire.
I would say "Well done, mother!" but "well done rapist" seems a bit more appropriate. :D
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| Can you hear the sheep, Joe? |
[26 Apr 2005|01:11am] |
Although I believe a circle best describes us, a never-ending process of learning and communicating, for today I would say we are more like a rectangle. There is a general description for rectangles, but the description can include any 4-sided figure including a square. Now a square is more restrictive. If the sides are not equal, then it is not a square, but it is still a rectangle. We are a support group. That can pretty much fit into anything we want it to fit into. We could just be a gathering at park day, and we would still be a support group. Or we can have something as organized as the recent co-op within BACH and still be a support group. But if we become an "official" organization, with a secretary, minutes and job descriptions we become a square and we spend all our attention on trying to stay being a square. There is only so much that each of us moms can accomplish and every year that amount changes for each of us. I don't know if any of us has the time to take on anymore than we already have. We have succeeded for three years being a rectangle. Our sides change lengths depending on what we want to do for that year, but our support is always there. Am I on the right page?
- excerpt from Denise McKeon's latest BACH newsletter
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| As of today... |
[24 Sep 2004|02:01pm] |
My journal is nearly completely Friends Only.
Mainly because I'm sick of writing rants and having wierd people reply with completely off topic messages.
So all of you wierd people... yeah. You can reply here. :P
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| You know you're not normal when... |
[21 Sep 2004|03:46pm] |
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mood |
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 silly |
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music |
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None now, but expect much loud rock to come later |
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I think that line could be applied to just about any aspect of my life, current or past.
But lately it seems more fitting than normal.
Yesterday, I was getting ready to leave for work and I realized my car was blocked.
The owner of the car?
A local nun, who was being interviewed by my mother.
**Sister, excuse me can I borrow your keys? Thanks** (doesn't everyone say that?)
I came home from work yesterday and changed for school.
I got blocked again.
This time it was someone else who was helping run the five phone lines to our house for the upcoming radiothon.
(doesn't everyone run a phone bank at their house?)
Today...
My mom went out to do some doctor's appointments and stuff, and wasn't expected back till about 2:30.
Some Bishop from Africa was supposed to show up at 3 and go on air at 3:30.
(yes, we have a broadcast studio in my house. Doesn't everyone?)
Veronica and I were bored, the house was cleaned so we decided to go out and spend money at the mall.
She got some cool new Hot Topic Labyrinth-esque earrings and I got a cool "I steal music" shirt.
At 2:15, I pull into the driveway.
A silver minivan pulls in behind me, a priest is in the passenger seat.
I'm more than a little annoyed, because I'm totally not dressed for receiving a bishop into my home.
(I'm totally comfortable with playing host to a bishop and such(again, isn't everybody?), but my attire reflects badly on my mom and her radio and all, so grr)
Not to mention my mom isn't even home yet, because THEY'RE 45 MINUTES EARLY!!!
We greet each other and they decide to leave, seeing as how they have an hour plus before they go on air.
They're going to go and drive 25-30 minutes one way to see a friend in the hospital.
Meaning that they'll get back right before 3:30 when they're supposed to go on air.
They pulled in at 3:26.
Mom was not happy.
She vented a bit on the bishop(doesn't everyone get to do that?), and then they went on air.
They're live now, so I have to be quiet... but yeah, it's just a little odd how normal this all seems to me.
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[20 Sep 2004|05:53pm] |
Okay, I've been sitting her trying to think of something to say, but nothing is coming out.
It probably has something to do with the fact that I'm online doing my best to make Krystal fall out of her chair. Haven't gotten there yet, but she's come close a few times.
I keep waiting for her to show up on my doorstep and kidnap me. Either that, or one day I'll open the mail and a one-way plane ticket is gonna fall out.
Either way, we're going to have to meet eventually.
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| Because I'm really really really damn bored. |
[16 Sep 2004|08:30pm] |
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mood |
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 geeky |
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music |
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VAST - Touched |
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My laptop is dead.
The screen has gone dark. Dammit.
Now it's in the shop.
Again. This sucks ass.
At least there's a warranty.
But I still miss it.
Work today was long.
Ten and one-third hours worth.
My feet are on strike.
I made good tips though.
Forty-two dollars should help
to buy some Aleve.
Much thanks to Krystal.
Firstly, just for being cool.
And I have new pants.
She gave me presents.
One of them was a gift card.
I spent it wisely.
And now I shall go,
for my stomach is growling.
Fair well, dear reader.
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